Do Generations Need Gaps? Nah.

I picked up my mom's friend yesterday to share a ride to my parents' house. We got to chatting about middle schoolers. She has a friend with a 14-year-old girl and she also used to teach middle school students, about thirty years ago. She said there are two things that she "can't stand" about "kids these days". Obviously, I was immediately defensive (something I'm working on), but I listened carefully.

1. "Kids are always texting on their phones, and so fast! As someone without a phone, and with no intention of ever getting one, I just don't understand what they are doing!"

2. "You try to have a conversation with a kid and it is just, 'like, like, like' every other word. They can't even carry on a normal conversation. I can't talk to them!"

Both of these observations made me sad. From the forceful media to grandmothers, kids are expected to suddenly be grown-ups, without any training. I understand the frustration of conversation with kids who have little confidence or experience in putting forth an original idea. But, as adults (and I'm not just talking about teachers, but all adults), we hold the social power over kids, simply through our extensive experience messing up and trying to communicate again, differently. It is our RESPONSIBILITY to have patient and gracious converstions where kids can try out their ideas and their language with learned confidence.

If I could say one thing to today's grandparent generation, it would be to ask questions and listen, and respond with your own thoughtfulness. One of the most harmful messages we adults can send our kids is that their voice has no place in our world. How long will it take to shed that message? As a granddaughter who had limited and shallow conversations with my grandparents, I can only imagine the rich insights and learned confidence we could have gained from one another. My husband's grandparents, in contrast, delight in sitting around the dinner table and asking questions about current events, asking for solutions to immediate challenges, and inviting witty banter. In that family, wit and intelligence are necessary skills, and they are sharpened in our conversations together.

On to the next...

I just got back from a family wedding and vacation in Hawaii. In 8 hours I leave for the NAIS Summer Diversity Institute in Alexandria, VA. I'm trying to shift my window of perspective from white privileged tourists to engaged...hmmm. I'm not really sure what my new MO will be, what will be required of me, of my perspective, of my integrity and honesty about my own identity in relation to my community at work. I know I'm not ready. I know I will be overwhelmed and feel lacking. I know I will need courage, stamina, and compassion. One night's sleep with my beloved, and I'm ready to face anything. Maybe.

Don't fight the waves

I'm listening to the rattle of myna birds and wind in the palm trees. Today we will witness the marriage of my brother-in-law and my brother-in-law to-be. I have been surprised by finding that I am bracing myself for the confusion, the sourness, the antipathy as people ask our group, "who is the lucky couple?" only to find two glowing men, beaming at each other. But then, as I wait for it, I witness the unexpected. Graciousness. Honor. Joy, even. It seems that love really does conquer all.