On to the next...

I just got back from a family wedding and vacation in Hawaii. In 8 hours I leave for the NAIS Summer Diversity Institute in Alexandria, VA. I'm trying to shift my window of perspective from white privileged tourists to engaged...hmmm. I'm not really sure what my new MO will be, what will be required of me, of my perspective, of my integrity and honesty about my own identity in relation to my community at work. I know I'm not ready. I know I will be overwhelmed and feel lacking. I know I will need courage, stamina, and compassion. One night's sleep with my beloved, and I'm ready to face anything. Maybe.

Don't fight the waves

I'm listening to the rattle of myna birds and wind in the palm trees. Today we will witness the marriage of my brother-in-law and my brother-in-law to-be. I have been surprised by finding that I am bracing myself for the confusion, the sourness, the antipathy as people ask our group, "who is the lucky couple?" only to find two glowing men, beaming at each other. But then, as I wait for it, I witness the unexpected. Graciousness. Honor. Joy, even. It seems that love really does conquer all.

autumn is restless

wool sweater
lawn chair
sunset before 8:30
hot tea
see the steam
lesson plans unfold
organize
anticipate
too tired to go climbing
too tired to wash the dishes
leaves rustle, crispily.
after endless days
of not talking to anyone
will i remember
how to listen?

Perfection isn't the answer.

My summer is winding down. i can count the number of "free" days left on just three fingers. As a teacher, i often hide the fact that i count on my fingers, especially when adding. Though, when i admit in front of my blessed class that i have to count by fives to gauge the time left in class (and i keep track of the fives secretly on my knuckles), they smile and give me tips to help count 30 minutes easily.

I just read a little article about society's narrow view of beauty, and it reminds me that as teachers (and plain adults too), we have a challenge to model imperfection, to model ugly, to model struggle in learning. i think the challenge is not simply in admitting to our own challenges, but to embrace our whole selves with compassion, and then ask for help in growing and learning how to overcome challenge, or embrace what society might call ugly or imperfect as beautiful and perfectly acceptable.

My heart hurts when i see students hide the fact that they are struggling; or that their first attempt at something didn't meet their expectations; when they feel "stupid". i am a recovering "stupid" and i can easily get down on myself when i don't reach "perfect". Teaching helps me understand the process of growth. Being able to learn alongside kids who are Eager! Driven! and Accepting helps me to focus on the challenge at hand, and not worry so much about whether or not i will be/do "perfect".

A few days ago i was out at a climbing wall, and a man in his twenties was attempting to lead climb his first 5.10b. Vocabulary breakdown (very generally): Lead climbing is when the rope end is attached to the climber. the climber's job is to free climb (no protection from the rope) a short distance and then clip the rope into a bolt in the rock. the belayer on the ground then belays the climber up to the next bolt. The climber has to keep clipping in all the way up the wall until the climber reaches the top, where the climber then secures the rope with an anchor. Sport climbs are rated Class 5 in the Yosemite Decimal Rating System. Walking is Class 1. Class 5 is then decimaled out to tell the level of the climb's difficulty. When i teach a beginner climber, i'll have her start out on a 5.4 or 5.5. The beasts of rock climbing are busting out at 5.15. There can be even smaller increments of difficulty, signaled when a 5.10 increases to a 5.10b or 5.10c. After that, it will become a 5.11.

Back to the story. This young guy was struggling on the wall. He couldn't find a good hold in order to get to his next bolt, even while his buddies were calling up suggestions. We learned, as we watched, that this was his first attempt. He yelled down, "I suck at this!" Such a familiar feeling to me! That feeling keeps me from persisting at a new idea or skill. That feeling is my nemesis and i try to squelch it whenever possible. i called up, "How can you suck if you've never done it before?"

As i start back to work next week, and anticipate all the new things that i will try (and expect perfection), i must keep asking myself and my students, "how can we expect perfection when we've never done this before?" I would love to annihilate the concept of Perfection, and retrain ourselves to seek our individual potential and ask instead, "did i conduct this to my highest potential?."

Roasted pig, anyone?

We went to a farm, surrounded by alders, cedars, dripping salmon berries and sly creeping blackberries.  The blue-grey campfire smoke rose up behind the house, evidence of a freshly un-buried pig with an ashy potato in his mouth.  The field was mowed and the tents set up for an extended party for some friends of ours.  I sat around the fire for hours, listening and chatting and sharing about life.

Meeting new people is something i love.  I love finding out what other people find interesting, how they find meaning in their lives, what makes them laugh.  I also like talking about my passions. Telling people that i teach 6th grade always brings one of several reactions.  "Oh, duuuude, how can you put up with them?  Caddy bitches, those middle school girls."  Or, "Awesome!  That sounds like SO-MUCH-FUN!"

All valuable responses.  i like talking about how adolescence isn't a choice.  It isn't like these kids wake up and say to themselves, "I love feeling incredibly awkward.  I love wondering if people are constantly noticing my breast buds through my t-shirt, and is this t-shirt still cool enough?"  Of course this is one of the most emotionally painful times in our lives.  i would say even more painful than the first broken heart because it is as if one's own self is constantly trying to betray one's own heart and self-esteem.  So sure, there is a fair amount of caddy, harmful drama that MUST be processed.  We like to talk about it, to discuss how to respond to the slap-in-the-face comments like, "I can't believe you actually are still wearing Vans.  This year, we're all wearing Cons."

But also, there is so much FUN.  I love the easy laughter, when it comes full-bellied and at no one's expense.  I love the pranks on the art teacher.  I love the wonder that happens when new learning hits home.  It is what brings me to tears, at the end of the day, when i am in awe of my young co-workers.

Sinking, dripping, setting suns

Relaxation and rejuvenation have been my goal this summer. i think it's working, because i'm already getting excited about the new school year, and am beginning to design and tinker with my curricula with joy in my heart and tingling creativity.

However, i'm hoping to take my new habit of stopping, breathing, and being grateful through the whole year. My partner and i found ourselves at the beach a few nights ago. The commanding presence of the setting sun stopped us, sat us down in the sand, and invited us to watch the closing of the day, like drops of honey spilling over the mountain peaks and into the Sound, finally dissolving into the purple backbone of the Olympics. i felt love swell my heart in new places. I turned to my sweetie and asked, What if we did this every day? How would our lives be different if we watched the sunset every day this year? We smiled at each other and agreed to the challenge. Once we get our digital imaging system set up (oh, sounds so formal!), i hope to post our sunsets to this blog. join us in as many sunsets as you can!

Summer Reading

So one of my goals this summer is to read as many of my students' favorite books as i can. I'm finding, overall, that young adult books are written with plot above all else. The storyline is the most important element in many of these books, with the art of writing and character development falling far behind. Of course i'm disappointed a bit, since what i love in a good book is lyrical writing and complex characters. But maybe that comes with years of scouring literature for just those elements, and letting plot slip down in my priorities. Perhaps my young adult readers are perfectly happy with books that get to the point and spend more pages "telling" than "showing". This gives me some insight on how my students might have very little idea when i ask them to write a scene by showing the details. They simply have read few examples of such writing...I'll keep looking though.

I'll give you a brief review of the books i have read lately. I'll put them order of my preference.

1. Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. Imagine being the center of the nation's focus, fighting for your life, and you've put yourself into Katniss Everdeen's shoes, or soft-soled leather boots, rather. The Hunger Games is an annual broadcasted event designed to remind the minions that the Capitol is always in control. Each district's children, ages 12-18, must put their names into a lottery for participation in the last-kid-alive-wins Games. Poor kids can put their names in up to 12 times a year for more food rations, which of course, tips the scales towards the poor fighting the poor for the wealthy elite's entertainment. Hmmm, perhaps a comment on today's wars? Katniss finds herself in the fight for her life, which she executes with compassionate precision and care, in light of the circumstances. What happens, though, when she rebels against the rules of the Hunger Games, and wins? Thankfully, this action-adventure has two more books to finish the story, Catching Fire, which is already out, and the third in the series is due out late August, 2010. This book has my kids reading ferociously (as it did me), though the content is certainly violent. It has a certain video game element to it, and the violence is hard to believe at times. Katniss, with her mission to survive, however, is very believable, beguiling, and intriguing.

2. Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin. Have you ever wondered if your life is meaningful and satisfying, even if you couldn't live another minute? Liz gets to ponder this question as she finds herself in Elsewhere, the place you go after you die. Yearning for all things that a 15-almost-16-year-old would, Liz wonders if she'll ever know how to drive, ever fall in love, ever find something that she loves to do, and is good at. While the plot is "fresh and arresting" (The New York Times Book Review), this is a perfect example of a story being told (five years were summed up in a single parentheses) rather than shown. Several of my students love this book, and i believe that the way it deals with loss and death and new appreciation of the moment (however un-ripe and un-mature and un-grown-up) is its beauty.

3. Olive's Ocean by Kevin Henkes. I honestly don't have much to say about this one. A never-noticed girl at school, Olive, dies suddenly in a car crash. Martha is struck by the What if? notion, wondering all that could have happened had she made friends with Olive. With this thought running in her secret inner monologue, Martha visits her grandmother at the ocean, and deals with the possible loss of her dear grandma, a near-death experience, and a mortifying first kiss.

What's top on your reading list?